What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed?

  • Obama: I don't wanna be obama self.

penguinsinmypants:

what did the boob say to the other boob?

we are breast friends

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When chemists die, they barium

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(Source: fuckyeahcornyjokes)

conspicuouslad:

I read every one of these to my wife until she screamed at me to shut up.

(Source: iraffiruse)

fuckyeahcornyjokes

What’s the tallest building in New York City?

The library, because it has many, many stories.

avoxfinick:

just-exhale-love:

overwhelmedwithbasorexia:

myraggedywinchesters:

snorlaxatives:

carryonwaywardsoldier:

carryonwaywardsoldier:

my physics teacher told us a joke today

three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter

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A CIGARETTE LIGHTER

I ACTUALLY GET IT OH MY GOD YES

I DONT GET IT, IM DUMB TOO DONT WORRY

fuckyeahcornyjokes:

What is the center of Gravity?

v

What is the center of Gravity?

fuckyeahcornyjokes

Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out